Mr. Golf Etiquette Says
Mind Your Tees and Q's

By Shannon Gazze
GolfArizona.com Valley Editor

I surfed across such a golf site the other day. It's called "Mr. Golf Etiquette," and can be found at www.mrgolf.com.

The site is hosted by Mr. Golf Etiquette himself, a man named Jim Corbett. But if you visit the site, you'll quickly notice that Corbett likes to refer to himself in the third person as Mr. Golf Etiquette. Since he seems so fond of the name, I'll respect his wishes and refer to him here as such.

If you are new to the site, you'll probably want to click on "What's New!" from the home page to get a quick overview of what the site has to offer. I'll give you an even quicker one here. The site has a "Prose Shop" full of literary goodness, a "Pro's Shop" where Mr. Golf Etiquette peddles his wares and others', a "Links" page and a "Golf Etiquette Game."

As Mr. Golf Etiquette says, "Not only is the Golf Etiquette Game totally unique, but there is none other like it anywhere!"

I don't want to brag, but I can tell you first hand that anyone can win the monthly etiquette game because I was the big winner for the month of October. I submitted the correct golf etiquette violation occurring in the photograph on the page and (I assume) was pulled randomly as the winner from among the correct submissions. I am awaiting a Mr. Golf Etiquette hat in the mail as my spoil.

To say the least, Mr. Golf Etiquette's site is a bit text heavy. Aside from the homepage, which is neat and aesthetically pleasing, the site is no threat to win a design contest. But it is the content, not the look, that makes this one special.

The most interesting area of the site by far is the "Prose Shop," although it actually contains a little poetry, too. Mr. Golf Etiquette doesn't show much of a flare for poetry, or even rhyming, for that matter ("Amen Corner he" with "partners ornery?"), but his effort is commendable.

One of the highlights has to be Wherefore Fore, which explores the military origins of the common course warning.

A quiz on etiquette is included on this page. If you miss ANY of these questions, however, you need quite a bit more than a brush-up lesson (perhaps another lobotomy would do the trick). I don't want to give anything away, but if you are stumped, here's a hint: Try "D."

Everything that probably brought you to Mr. Golf Etiquette's site in the first place can be found in the "Golf Etiquette Primer."

This is a valuable teaching tool for young golfers and novices of any age, covering sensible, safe and polite play from tee to green to practice facility.

It contains information that every golfer should know, but many probably do not. Did you know that if you bump your ball while on the tee box, it is not considered a stroke? The ball must be "fairly struck at" to count. Therefore whiffs on the tee do count. Once you're off the tee, "any movement of the ball caused by you - even if incidental - counts as a stroke."

Then, of course, the "Prose Shop" holds a large selection of golf jokes, funny songs and lists ("You might be a golf nut if you pick up your six-month-old daughter with an overlapping grip.") that may prove helpful in lightening up your next round.

Finally, Mr. Golf Etiquette encourages his readers to submit their own golf stories and poems, posting them in the plainly titled area, "Articles by Other Authors." Mr. Golf Etiquette's philosophy is that "there is a limit to how much a person can read about professional golfers."

"The game of golf that is played by the average weekend golfer," he writes, "is as rich in meaning and as full of lessons about life as any game being played by the top pros on the tour."

E-Quipped to Play Golf Properly

With a keeper of a quip on practically every page, Mr. Golf Etiquette spices up the learning process.

•  On playing the wrong ball - "Unfortunately, this is often settled with a punch in the nose."

•  On golf fashion - "So many people seem to forget that spandex is a privilege, not a right!"

•  On relieving oneself on the course - "Mr. Golf Etiquette is not paid for product endorsements, but have you ever heard of 'Depends?'"

Mr. Golf Etiquette makes it all work by using self-effacing humor and occasionally teasing those who write in, but never making light of his subject.

Is "Golf" a Verb?

• Index of past feature stories • Past course reviews by Shannon Gazze

One of the more interesting questions Mr. Golf Etiquette tackled was submitted by reader Gretchen Lofgren, who was peeved by her boyfriend's frequent use of the word "golf" as a verb, as in "I golfed on Saturday and I'm golfing again on Tuesday. Lofgren insisted that "golf" is a noun and thus the correct usage is, "I played golf on Saturday."

Mr. Golf Etiquette handled the situation beautifully, pointing out evidence supporting each argument before providing his own opinion. Indeed, Lofgren seems to have a point that "golf," a game played with sticks and balls, is a noun. You wouldn't say you "footballed" over the weekend. But English is a versatile language that accepts "common usage" as a method of word adaptation, and certainly many people these days use "golf" as a verb.

In the end, Mr. Golf Etiquette comes down on Lofgren's side, suggesting that she find a new boyfriend if he doesn't accept the bad news well.

Mr. Golf Etiquette Turns a Profit

Adding to his revenue-producing power, according to the "What's New!" page, is a personal-appearance tour by Mr. Golf Etiquette. He's available to address your next function on the issues of "Life - And the Meaning of Golf." Mr. Golf Etiquette has a Washington (state) address, so I assume this is more useful information for groups in that general vicinity.

Perhaps if Mr. Golf Etiquette puts in enough face time, he will be able to afford to join up with Mr. Web Master and Mr. Copy Editor and put together a more rounded and professional-looking website, but despite it's unostentatious presentation, the site is still worth a visit. If you're serious about keeping alive the noble practice of golf etiquette, you will surely enjoy many happy returns.

In case you missed the link at the top of this article, I'll repeat it as a courtesy to the lazy (but polite) golfer. You can visit Mr. Golf Etiquette at www.mrgolf.com.